The first weekend of the year sans alcohol is depressing
enough, without the weather conspiring to make it worse. But the gloom turned
up uninvited, raining stair-rods as we Uber’d over to Uchi, for a spot of
Japanese.
To lighten the tenebrous days of January, I’ve chosen to do
this review in the highbrow format of ‘snog, marry, avoid’ with ‘décor, food
and service’ as my three elements.
1/ SNOG
The food.
The food IS fanciable.
The stand out dish was the soft shell crab roll. As substantial as a felled log, perfectly
proportioned and delicious. We devoured it, saving the end slices until last,
where the ratio of crispy crab completely outguns the rice.
The selection of fish nigiri was a rainbow from
scallop to salmon, and our dish of tuna sashimi was velvety and supple. Just
like the crab roll, the sashimi was hefty in size and flavour.
We book-ended the fish courses with an earthy seaweed,
carrot and tofu salad that had notes of hay and ginger. Kind of like a moreish
silage. We also decided to rebel against joyless clean-eating January, with
some junk food –a bowlful of piping hot, elegantly seasoned chicken kara-age.
2/ MARRY
This one’s easy. I would
gladly tie the knot with the interior design and live forever among the
bleached woods, copper bar tops, and washed stone of this minimalist paradise.
I would willingly forsake all others for its flickering tea
lights and hanging kokedama.
Uchi’s design creds are not so much wabi-sabi, as the carefully
curated perfection of the Goodhood store. But it’s oh-so-pretty.
In look and feel, it’s about as perfect a neighbourhood restaurant
as you could imagine. But décor
shouldn’t be the best thing about any restaurant. Unless you’re the Rainforest
Café.
3/ AVOID
Choosing service as my ‘avoid’ is ironic, because
avoid is what the staff did to us. All night.
When we arrived, we stood for several minutes before anyone
bothered to speak to us. I had to pointedly look at a waitress, who finally
gave up her position by the kitchen and came over to us. Now, I know a place
like Ushi isn’t going to model its ‘welcome’ on the Harvester, but this level
of reluctance was baffling.
During our meal, we asked for more water about halfway
through, which never came.
And then, inevitably, we could get nobody to take our money
after the meal was finished.
If you’ve spent so long looking at the puddles of soy sauce
and leftover ginger on your plates that you choose to leave before they can
collect the dishes, then they’ve left it too long.
As we could get no attention, we went up to wait at the desk
in order to pay. Whilst our card payment went through, we inadvertently created
an awkward barndance as staff carrying stacked crockery had to side-step and do-si-do
to get round us.
Uchi - the food might be nonpareil but the service is non-existent.
Next time, I think I’ll get takeaway.